Everybody knows that rockstars have a lot of sex. The assumption that I think most people make is that women will throw themselves at a rockstar because of his inherent sex appeal/high social status/alpha male-itude or whatever, but I want to present a different side of things. It is my belief that a genuine Rockstar is such in part because he has a lot of sex (of the deeply connected, heart opening, world shattering, vulnerably raw variety)… and not that he has a lot of sex because he’s a rockstar.
By way of explanation, allow me to pass on a phrase that I’ve found really powerful…
“How you do anything is how you do everything.“
Basically, who you are as a person and how you show up to your experience on a moment to moment basis impacts everything you do. For example, if your personality/habit/character is such that you tend to stick to your comfort zone you’ll probably order the same thing every time you go to your favourite restaurant (on a micro level), and you might stay in the same career for 30 years simply because it’s familiar (on a macro level).
So, if we can all agree that sex is a primal, foundational, central aspect not only of being human but simply of being alive, then it’s easy to recognize that how you show up to your sex life is a huge reflection of how you show up to the rest of your Life as a whole.
Here’s a list of questions that I think illustrate this connection:
Are you aware of what you want and what you don’t want on a moment to moment basis? Are you willing to communicate that directly? Cuz, that’s some sexy shit right there ;-)
Are you willing/able to let your guard down, and truly allow another person to see you in a vulnerable place? Or even at your most vulnerable?
Do you pursue what you want with integrity, regardless of the perceived judgements/expectations of other people?
Do you give out of the simple joy/pleasure of giving? Or do you have a self-centred, transactional agenda?
Do you believe that you are worthy of fulfillment exactly as you are? Or do you feel you need to change/contort yourself in some way in order to earn it?
Are you willing to confront the uncomfortable reality of when you’re not getting what you want? Are you willing to own your part in that?
Do you put your energy into chasing some lofty faraway goal that seems to recede from you the harder you pursue it? Or do you flow with the moment, do what feels good right now, and allow the outcome to take care of itself?
Do you consciously cultivate your own fulfillment? Or do you expect it to just happen on it’s own?
Do you ask yourself the question “How can I get what I want?”… Or do you ask others the question “How can we get what we want together?”
I definitely won’t try to put up the front of being perfect in this area. In fact for the great majority of my Life I’ve been spectacularly bad at showing up to my sexuality in the ways that I’ve wanted to. The realization that sexual Rockstardom is an integral and absolutely necessary part of whole-self Rockstardom has been a big one. I’m actually really happy with exactly where I’m at right now (which is a very new development, believe me), and I’m also looking forward to where things are going ;-)